by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – The Cinderella Syndrome

Photo R. Meshar

Have you ever suffered from the Cinderella Syndrome? You might know it by its other name, Over Functioning. This is a syndrome I know well.

I’ve always wondered, why didn’t Cinderella simply leave? If she could take care of herself and three other adults (stepmother and two stepsisters) then she could certainly live on her own and take care of only herself. Also, if she was old enough to marry a prince then wasn’t she old enough to leave a toxic stepmother and stepsisters?

Unfortunately, unlike the movie, living the Cinderella Syndrome will not result in a prince who will come and carry you off to a castle in the clouds. So abandon the Cinderella Syndrome. Instead create a better life for yourself with more peace, joy and happiness.

On one level, the Cinderella Syndrome often persists as a holdover from a childhood where you are loved because of what you do rather than who you are. Actually, this kind of love isn’t love at all because by definition, “love” is unconditional, therefore not dependent on what you do. Doing more will not make others love you more. As adults we need to realize that our love and valuation of ourselves has to come from deep within – not from others. If you didn’t receive approval as a child (a form of emotional abuse) sometimes this takes awhile to figure out.

On another level, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of over functioning. Moms can easily succumb to this. For example, if you find yourself making lunches for children who are more than capable of making their own lunches, or doing all the grocery shopping, laundry, care-taking, social arranging, gift giving and meal preparation you may be suffering from the Cinderella Syndrome.

Our “I’m busy” culture also promotes the Cinderella Syndrome. Employees can suffer from this syndrome too as can adult children of aging parents. If you chronically feel under-appreciated (a maid living in the cinders) then you are definitely suffering from the Cinderella Syndrome.

So how do you recover from it? By stepping back and re-evaluating. If you are married or living with someone re-negotiate how your household will run and how chores and childcare will be shared. Take time to consider what your needs are and what you are willing to do. Know what changes will be necessary for you. Two healthy adults should share chores in a way that is mutual and comfortable for both over time. Even if one parent works at home, childcare and household chores are the responsibility of both parents.

If you are experiencing the Cinderella Syndrome in a relationship at work, or elsewhere in your life, the same process needs to happen. Evaluate what is comfortable for you. Then start with direct communication and negotiation including a time frame for change.

If things don’t change after awhile, then ultimately you need to consider if you want to participate in a relationship where your needs aren’t considered important. Protect yourself first. Get counseling. Learn coping skills. Healthy adult relationships require mutuality.

Lastly, if you are over functioning for other adults – stop. Adults do not take care of other adults, nor do they worry about the choices or decisions other adults make. This is true whether they are adult siblings, parents or adult children.

It’s possible that others will become upset or angry when you stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. On the other hand, we are not responsible for others’ feelings of anger nor can we bring their happiness. We can only be responsible for our own joy and happiness. Offer a relationship of mutuality to others instead. If they accept, wonderful. If not, that is their choice.

Our responsibility to ourselves is to act in a way that honors who we are. Seek to build healthy relationships of mutuality with everyone around you.

A life without worrying about other adults, with honest relationships of giving and receiving, while doing that which brings you happiness, is the way to grow peace in your heart and joy in your life.

In the end, living a Cinderella Syndrome life isn’t really living.

Justice begins within.

You may also like InnerPeace – Don’t Live Small, Introducing InnerPeace and Fill Your Life With Fabulous.

#cinderellasyndrome #overfunctioning #enabling #victimpsychology #busynessaddiction

by Roxanne -

Piano & Stuffed Cabbage

You may think it unlikely that stuffed cabbage and piano should be linked in anyone’s mind – and you’re correct. But in my mind they are connected.

Growing up in Highland Park in St. Paul, I played the piano. Playing the piano has been a pleasure I have enjoyed my entire life. As a child, my piano teacher lived just a few houses away. She opened her house and her heart to me. Starting in the third grade, each week I would visit her for piano lessons. She had a black baby grand piano in her living room. A wooden metronome sat to one side. I spent many hours at that piano. We used the “Schaum” piano lesson books. She is an accomplished pianist and vocalist. As I grew older I would also babysit for her two daughters. On occasion I helped her out in the kitchen on evenings when she and her husband were entertaining friends.

One of those times was the very first time I had stuffed cabbage. I remember smelling the tomato and garlic the instant I stepped in the kitchen. She had a large Nesco on the counter in her tiny kitchen. Inside were dozens of bubbling, stuffed cabbage rolls! They were like nothing I had ever tasted before. How amazing to be able to make something like this. Now I do. And so can you.

Any fall or winter afternoon when you are hanging around the house is a good time to make this dish. Soon cabbages and sturdy greens will arrive at the farmers’ market. Pick some up and make this dish. It takes a little time, but it isn’t difficult. Here is a classic recipe I have used for twenty five years or more.

1. Fill a soup pot with about 2 inches of water. Heat to boiling. Choose a loose-leaf cabbage head. Collard greens, kale or brussel sprouts top greens will work also. Blanch (1-2 minutes in 2 inches of boiling water) 3-4 whole cabbage leaves at a time. Blanch 12 leaves in all. Trim the thick vein from the back of the leaves with a paring knife for easier folding.

2. In a mixing bowl combine 1 pound lean ground beef, 1 cup cooked rice, 1 egg, 1 crumbled piece of bread, 2-3 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce, 2 cloves chopped garlic, chopped basil, freshly ground black pepper. Divide into 12 portions.

3. Empty the water from the stock pot. Return the pot to the stove. In a small amount of olive oil saute one chopped onion till tender. Add one 14 oz can tomato sauce, 2 tbsp brown sugar.

4. Wrap each ground beef portion in a cabbage leaf. Place in the sauce. Cover and simmer on low for 1 hour. Serve and top with extra sauce from the pot.

Leftovers are even better the next day. Microwave and enjoy.

Stuffed cabbage will always remind me of this wonderful woman who was my piano teacher for the duration of my childhood and early teen years. She was, and is, a truly positive influence in my life. I am grateful to have had her as a mentor and teacher. She brought the gift of music into my life. Today she remains a good friend.

You may also like Tiny Silver Spoons, My Mother’s Sewing Machine and Soups of March.

by Roxanne -

Tomato Time

 

Photo Melanie Einzig

What could be better than biting into a big, ripe, juicy, heirloom tomato? Well maybe not much. But here are two close contenders.

For many it’s back-to-school sandwich time. It’s also ripe tomato time. Combine both in a toasted tomato, mayo, cracked pepper sandwich.

Here’s an alternate, instead of mayo, add fresh basil leaves, sliced baby mozzarella and drizzle olive oil for a caprese twist. Add a green salad, white wine and le diner est servi!

Here’s another gourmet version of my all-time favorite, grilled cheese –

Photo Sarah Shatz

Grilled Pepper Cheese Sandwich

These electric orange sandwiches elevate the traditional grilled cheese by way of a new take on an old Southern favorite: pimento cheese. Savour calls for sharp cheddar to counterbalance the sweetness of the roasted peppers and the punch of raw garlic. She also has you grill both sides of the bread, which keeps it crisp rather than soggy. Combined with a glass of dry white wine and a green salad, this is real home alone comfort food. – A&M (Shine, Yahoo, July 10, 2011)

Serves 1 (plus extra cheese)

Pepper Cheese Spread:

Spread on two slices of bread buttered on the reverse side. Create a sandwich. Grill until golden and melted.

You may also like Gnocchi, Fresh Basil & Tomato Sauce, Ultimate Banana Bread and “Stinkin” Cheeses.

 

by Roxanne -

A Picnic Operetta

Photo MixedPrecipitation.org

Have you ever been to a picnic operetta? I hadn’t until today. What a great idea. On a late summer afternoon – gather actors, musicians, chefs and spectators together in a ready-to-harvest community garden. Provide picnic blankets for seating. Perform the operetta and pass delicious tidbits to enjoy while viewing the performance.

 

Photo MixedPrecipitation.org

The costumes and props were colorful, dynamic and creative as was the talent. Here’s the write-up from their website, Mixed Precipitation:

Alcina’s Island:

A Picnic Operetta

August 20 – October 1, 2011

This Alcina is rowdy and delicious!

In our colorful re-imagining of George Frideric Handel’s 1735 opera Alcina, the garden becomes a truck stop on the American highway. Scheming sorceresses Alcina and Morgana become truck stop waitresses, luring brave truckers astray. We combine Handel’s early baroque with outlaw country, trucker songs and classic old-time music.

Handel’s opera — based on Ariosto’s epic poem Orlando furious — features monsters, magic spells, rings of invisibility and a flying hippogriff.  And, of course, the glory of love and music conquers all!

The magic of this island will be all the more savory, with Chef Nick Schneider’s five course sampling menu of locally sourced treats created especially for this performance.

The chefs’ tidbits were pretty amazing too. We sampled pickled ramps, skewered zucchini jerky and juicy watermelon cubes with salty/spicy centers, among other things. Everything was created from local, in season, ingredients.

Check their website for a schedule of Twin Cities performances and treat yourself! Do plan to contribute a well-deserved donation after the performance.

You may also like August Evening Picnic, Market Flowers – Fabulous and Basil to Pesto.

by Roxanne -

Summer Fruit Salads

Photo WholeFoodsMarket.com

This is the time of year to try quick and easy fruit salads. They’re fast and in season. If it’s hot outside serve chilled. Otherwise serve at room temperature.

Try this savory one: cut up ripe watermelon and toss with cherry tomato halves. Drizzle with balsamic vinegar to enhance the melon and tomato flavor. Sprinkle with chopped mint and crumbled feta. Serve alone or with sliced chicken breast and artisan bread. Add chilled white wine.

Photo Flickr

Here’s another easy salad with melon. Cube cantaloupe (or use a melon baller), add bocconcini or fresh mozzarella cheese pieces, mint and thin slices of ham. You could sprinkle with fresh chopped basil and sunflower seeds as another option. Optional: add dollop of Greek yogurt (make your own Greek Yogurt here) and ripe blueberries or raspberries. Serve with warm, buttery croissants and iced tea.

You may also like Winter Comfort Foods, Savory Summer Salads and Picnic in a Jar.