by Roxanne -

School of Essential Ingredients

The School of Essential Ingredients is an amazing book by Erica Bauermeister that tells a story of how we truly are healed in and by community. It is through being in healthy, supportive relationships that we gain the strength and wisdom to be all that we are truly meant to be.

“A “heartbreakingly delicious” national bestseller about a chef, her students, and the evocative lessons that food teaches about life

Once a month, eight students gather in Lillian’s restaurant for a cooking class. Among them is Claire, a young woman coming to terms with her new identity as a mother; Tom, a lawyer whose life has been overturned by loss; Antonia, an Italian kitchen designer adapting to life in America; and Carl and Helen, a long-married couple whose union contains surprises the rest of the class would never suspect…

The students have come to learn the art behind Lillian’s soulful dishes, but it soon becomes clear that each seeks a recipe for something beyond the kitchen. And soon they are transformed by the aromas, flavors, and textures of what they create.”

Great holiday reading. Check for it at your local library.

You may also like Babette’s Feast, Come to the Feast and Fill Your Life With Fabulous.

by Roxanne -

Decorating Without a Tree

De-stress this holiday. Enjoy the season, including the scents and tradtions but in new ways. Check out these  scented and spirited decorations – no tree required.

Apartment Therapy
YvesTown

Creative holiday tree options – without the tree.

You may also like After Christmas Tree Hangover.

 

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – I’ll Be Happy When . . .

Photo R. Meshar

Fideism (pronounced “fee-day-ism”) is a Christian heresy that can best be explained as blind obedience to any external authority, be it educational, religious, governmental or even medical. Basically, whenever we make a decision because someone else told us we should, we have succumbed to fideism. We have handed over our own personal authority and choice to someone or something outside of ourselves.

Choices we make, must be made by learning as much as we can from others, but then ultimately discerning what God wants for us in the deepest interior of our hearts. Put another way, we must form our own conscience well, listen carefully (to those outside, but also to our interior) and then make our own decisions.

But fideism happens in other ways too. We often hear people say something like “I’ll be happy when . . .” fill in the dots; I get married, my spouse stops drinking, get that job, finish school, buy a house, have children, etc. Again, this is also fideism. When we do this we are handing over our own choice for happiness to an external person, situation or thing. Our choice for happiness is a decision that we make for ourselves. It is not dependent on exterior events, persons or situations. Our interior state is not dependent on exterior things.

Actually, you already know this, because we all know people who have  been happy in spite of living in terrible situations. Think of Dietrich Boenhoffer or Nelson Mandella. Etty Hillesum is another example. Read her book An Interrupted Life for an uplifting look at a young woman who chooses for love and happiness in the midst of tragic circumstances.

Ultimately, we need to inform ourselves, face reality as it really is (and this is not always easy), listen to our own hearts, then make our own decisions.

You may also like Happiness is a Choice, What is Your Story? and Inner Peace – Healthy Self Talk.

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Ending Emotional Abuse

Photo R. Meshar

Thanksgiving weekend is friends and family time. Unfortunately for many, it is also put-up-with-emotional-abuse time. Most of us are aware of the signs of physical abuse but we often forget that the scars from emotional abuse, while invisible, can be much deeper and longer lasting.

What is emotional abuse? I went to Domestic Violence: The Facts for a list of behaviors (but not inclusive) that fall under the category of being abusive:

“Destructive Criticism/Verbal Attacks: Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.

Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through “guilt-tripping” and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.

Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are “the truth”); bossing you around; making big decisions; using “logic.”

Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics ; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about your friends and family.

Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.

Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.

Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming: Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn’t happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.”

If you experience any of these behaviors from people you are expected to spend time with during the holidays or anyone in your life – consider minimizing or eliminating time with this person(s). If the person is your spouse or someone that you must deal with every day go to counseling to gain clarity and coping skills.

No one should have to put up with abuse in any form. Emotional abuse is emotional terrorism.

This Thanksgiving, be grateful for the supportive and healthy relationships in your life, trust yourself and be thankful for the Wisdom present in your own heart.

You may also like Celebration of Family, Irish Heritage and Don’t Worry – Be Happy.

 

by Roxanne -

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake

As it happens I have another interesting book to share with you – The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake: A Novel. Author Aimee Bender explores the intriguing idea of the main character, Rose, being able to taste the emotions of someone else in the food they prepare.

Ultimately, isn’t this a skill that we all need to have – to be able to feel another’s emotions as if they were our own? Isn’t this what it means to be compassionate?

This reviewer explains the story well –

“If I had been asked to rate this novel on the basis of the first fifty pages, I might have given it 3 stars; however, Bender is so expert at building emotions through her fairy-tale magic realism that, after I read the final words, I sighed with pleasure at a story well-told. Narrator Rose is burdened with a terrible “gift.” She can taste the emotions of the cook in every bite she eats, whether that cook is her depressed mother or a rushed restaurant chef or the person who grew the herbs. When Rose tastes the bitterness and betrayals in her parents’ marriage, she finds herself on her knees in gratitude for the school vending machine and its array of impersonally processed junk food. Her brother Joseph has a problem as well; he wants nothing more than to be left alone, to be divorced from the dysfunctional family, to disappear from the restrictions of his life. The two understand each other only as siblings can, even though they refuse to accept, at least at first, the peculiarities of the other. It takes George, Joseph’s brilliant friend, to release both of them, albeit in different ways.” Debbie Lee Wesselmann, May, 2010.

I liked this novel because again, it provides another way to view reality that is transformative for the reader. See if this is true for you too.

You may also like The Boy Who Harnassed the Wind, and Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life.