InnerPeace – Page 4 – InnerPacific

by Roxanne - January 8, 2012January 4, 2012

InnerPeace – Unplugged

Unplug. Take a technology vacation, a technology break, a technology hiatus. Disconnect. Do it for a week. Do it for a day or like Nick Bilton, do it for thirty minutes a day. Just do it.

Learn to connect in a different way. Pico Iyer did it. He calls it the Joy of Quiet in his New York Times article, writing:

MAYBE that’s why more and more people I know, even if they have no religious commitment, seem to be turning to yoga, or meditation, or tai chi; these aren’t New Age fads so much as ways to connect with what could be called the wisdom of old age. Two journalist friends of mine observe an “Internet sabbath” every week, turning off their online connections from Friday night to Monday morning, so as to try to revive those ancient customs known as family meals and conversation. Finding myself at breakfast with a group of lawyers in Oxford four months ago, I noticed that all their talk was of sailing — or riding or bridge: anything that would allow them to get out of radio contact for a few hours.

Other friends try to go on long walks every Sunday, or to “forget” their cellphones at home. A series of tests in recent years has shown, Mr. Carr points out, that after spending time in quiet rural settings, subjects “exhibit greater attentiveness, stronger memory and generally improved cognition. Their brains become both calmer and sharper.” More than that empathy, as well as deep thought, depends (as neuroscientists like Antonio Damasio have found) on neural processes that are “inherently slow.” The very ones our high-speed lives have little time for.

But this new connectivity takes practice and discipline. It’s a skill to be learned. Unplugging for a new connectivity doesn’t happen in an instant as Nick Bilton found out and explains in his article Disruptions: Resolved in 2012: To Enjoy the View Without Help From an iPhone.

I spent 10 minutes trying to compose the perfect shot, moving my phone from side to side, adjusting light settings and picking the perfect filter.

Then, I stopped. Here I was, watching this magnificent sunset, and all I could do is peer at it through a tiny four-inch screen.

“What’s wrong with me?” I thought. “I can’t seem to enjoy anything without trying to digitally capture it or spew it onto the Internet.”

Hence my New Year’s resolution: In 2012, I plan to spend at least 30 minutes a day without my iPhone. Without Internet, Twitter, Facebook and my iPad. Spending a half-hour a day without electronics might sound easy for most, but for me, 30 unconnected minutes produces the same anxious feelings of a child left accidentally at the mall.

Those anxious feelings? Those are the feelings of immaturity, of resisting wrestling with our own interior, of refusing to embrace the reality of our own lack of control. We need to grow up. We need to develop the adult ability to make space for silence. Space to listen to our own wisdom. Space to simply be. Then we can begin to live comfortably inside our own skin. Then we can begin to live comfortably with others.

Turn off your TV. Stop your stereo. Rest your iPhone and iPad. Experience withdrawal from your “crackberry.”

Unplug. Connect in a different way. Experience silence. Just be.

Watch. What. Happens.

You may also like No “Big Scream” TV, Exercise Your Mind and New Books.

by Roxanne - November 27, 2011November 16, 2011

InnerPeace – I’ll Be Happy When . . .

Fideism (pronounced “fee-day-ism”) is a Christian heresy that can best be explained as blind obedience to any external authority, be it educational, religious, governmental or even medical. Basically, whenever we make a decision because someone else told us we should, we have succumbed to fideism. We have handed over our own personal authority and choice to someone or something outside of ourselves.

Choices we make, must be made by learning as much as we can from others, but then ultimately discerning what God wants for us in the deepest interior of our hearts. Put another way, we must form our own conscience well, listen carefully (to those outside, but also to our interior) and then make our own decisions.

But fideism happens in other ways too. We often hear people say something like “I’ll be happy when . . .” fill in the dots; I get married, my spouse stops drinking, get that job, finish school, buy a house, have children, etc. Again, this is also fideism. When we do this we are handing over our own choice for happiness to an external person, situation or thing. Our choice for happiness is a decision that we make for ourselves. It is not dependent on exterior events, persons or situations. Our interior state is not dependent on exterior things.

Actually, you already know this, because we all know people who have been happy in spite of living in terrible situations. Think of Dietrich Boenhoffer or Nelson Mandella. Etty Hillesum is another example. Read her book An Interrupted Life for an uplifting look at a young woman who chooses for love and happiness in the midst of tragic circumstances.

Ultimately, we need to inform ourselves, face reality as it really is (and this is not always easy), listen to our own hearts, then make our own decisions.

by Roxanne - November 23, 2011November 16, 2011

InnerPeace – Ending Emotional Abuse

Thanksgiving weekend is friends and family time. Unfortunately for many, it is also put-up-with-emotional-abuse time. Most of us are aware of the signs of physical abuse but we often forget that the scars from emotional abuse, while invisible, can be much deeper and longer lasting.

What is emotional abuse? I went to Domestic Violence: The Facts for a list of behaviors (but not inclusive) that fall under the category of being abusive:

“Destructive Criticism/Verbal Attacks: Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.

Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through “guilt-tripping” and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.

Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are “the truth”); bossing you around; making big decisions; using “logic.”

Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics ; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about your friends and family.

Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.

Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.

Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming: Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn’t happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.”

If you experience any of these behaviors from people you are expected to spend time with during the holidays or anyone in your life – consider minimizing or eliminating time with this person(s). If the person is your spouse or someone that you must deal with every day go to counseling to gain clarity and coping skills.

No one should have to put up with abuse in any form. Emotional abuse is emotional terrorism.

This Thanksgiving, be grateful for the supportive and healthy relationships in your life, trust yourself and be thankful for the Wisdom present in your own heart.

by Roxanne - November 15, 2011November 10, 2011

InnerPeace – Healthy Self-Talk

Most of us monitor what movies or TV shows we are willing to watch. Certainly, if we are parents, we are responsible for monitoring what our children view. We want to watch shows of high quality, for example. We may also want to limit our viewing to shows that are morally uplifting, teach us something or expand our worldview.

But what about the show playing inside of our own heads? Do you ever consider your own self-talk? Self-talk is the running conversation that is happening in the brains of most of us at any given moment. Our minds continuously play a conversation or chatter, if you will. It may abate or slow down when we are meditating but usually it will resume the minute we stop.

Like the shows we watch, we have control over what our minds dwell on or think about. What goes on within our own minds is even more important than what we put into our minds. Good mental health requires that we monitor our self-talk in ways that are positive and beneficial to us.

The Mayo Clinic offers an excellent definition of healthy self-talk: what you say to yourself should be no different than what you would be willing to say to someone else. In other words, we should be at least as kind to ourselves as we would be to someone else.

Regardless what has happened to us in our lives, we have a responsibility to heal ourselves. Healthy self-talk habits are no different than other habits we discipline ourselves to do. We do laundry, cook, clean, and participate in other activities because we have created habits of living over time. Creating good thinking habits is no different.

However, if you experience intrusive thoughts that won’t diminish over time you may be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Consult a therapist or psychologist for diagnosis and the many new ways of healing this disorder.

But otherwise, one habit or technique helpful to creating more positive self-talk is to start with gratitude and non-discursive prayer or meditation – and a reminder that nothing is ever wasted, no matter how painful or messy it seems at the moment.

What about you? What positive self-talk habits to you employ?

You may also like Only Peace Brings Peace, Let’s Play and Irish Heritage.

by Roxanne - November 9, 2011November 6, 2011

InnerPeace – Replaying Conversations

Do you ever find yourself replaying a conversation you had with someone? Replaying conversations is often a symptom of interacting with an addict, manipulator or narcissist – especially if it only happens with certain people in your life.

Often, you may be trying to figure out what didn’t sit right in the conversation. The answer is – plenty – because conversations with addicts and narcissists don’t make any sense. You may not recognize their faulty logic immediately. It may not be apparent to you until after you are out of the emotional grip of the person. But later on you may realize that the words and actions of the person weren’t consistent, the “logic” was in fact illogical or the overtone was subtly (maybe overtly) sarcastic, angry or demeaning.

Another possibility the conversation seems unfinished or not quite right is that you may not have felt heard. And this is probably true. Active addicts, like narcissists, are extremely self-centered. They don’t respond appropriately to what others say, nor do they acknowledge what was said. Certainly they don’t ask the questions that are part of a normal conversation. They tend to talk in statements and make demands.

So the next time you find yourself replaying a conversation – stop. Consider that it isn’t you that missed something, rather something is amiss with the other person. If the pattern continues reassess how much time you spend with this person and minimize or eliminate your time with them as appropriate.

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