What Do You Do With Your Suffering?

During the past few months, a number of people I know have died. What do we do when the unimaginable happens? How can we use our pain, sorrow and suffering for personal growth?

Of course it is possible to grow without suffering. Which is why we don’t say that we desire suffering. Neither does God desire it for us. But to live is to take a risk. To live is to enter the unknown. Living tests us, challenges us. Illness and accidents can happen to anyone – and do. Relationships end. Those we love die. Life entails suffering, by definition.

So then, do we allow our suffering to incapacitate us? Victimize us? Or do we use it to learn, become stronger and deepen who we are meant to be? This is our task.

What do you do with your suffering?

Look around. Clinging to comfort and structuring life to avoid suffering limits our lives, relationships and our humanity. Christianity teaches the reverse. Embrace the cross.

Jesus embraced the suffering of the cross. In the gospels Jesus was deeply relational with others and with God. This is what made him truly human. It is what will make us truly human too.

Those who have varied and strong relationships are better equipped to handle the pain or suffering that comes with entering into relationships or entering into life and death. This is what it means to be human.

Scriptures can be a good resource for learning how others created something good from pain or suffering. Scripture stories are about what we do with our pain. These are the stories of Genesis, Exodus, Job, Ruth and Naomi and of course Jesus and the resurrection. Entering into pain and suffering can be transformational – if we let it.

What kind of healing are we open to? Only physical healing? Or perhaps emotional, psychological or spiritual healing?

To know that there is something transcendent in each of us is to know that at least a part of us will continue beyond our death. Death is not the end. But it is the limit of our suffering in this world.

Knowing this gives us hope and allows us to enter into the risk of life. Knowing how to use pain or suffering as a vehicle for growth allows us to enter into suffering so we can move through it. It passes. Having experienced it gives us empathy with others who suffer too. We can reach out.

Conversely, our culture values a life of comfort and avoidance of suffering. “Be nice and quiet.” “Don’t get involved.” “Family before others.” We can live in a home with an attached garage for years and never meet our neighbors.

But avoiding new relationships or allowing fear to limit where we go in the world, in order to resist emotional or psychological suffering, doesn’t work. Rather it results in anxiety, dysfunction, addiction, depression and worse. The ability to embrace suffering and then let it go, is the skill that makes us resilient, allowing us to remain hopeful and open to the future.

God is the lure and promise of a better future, different from the past.

We can choose happiness in the midst of suffering. As many can attest, the paradox is that sorrow and joy can coexist. Out of deep suffering can come peace, life-long joy and new life. Spring arrives.

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Poverty is a Luxury We CanNOT Afford

In this time of the Great Recession, if we are cutting budgets, saving more and using our brains, we should be realizing that poverty is expensive. In fact it’s way too expensive! We just can’t afford it anymore.

I have been reading about the poverty that our economic system creates – within our country and around the globe. Most of the poverty we have in the world is caused by human beings. Even hunger from natural disasters, such as famines, can be remedied with insurance for farmers, as we do in this country. Poverty is caused by our imperfect economic systems, laws, international laws, apathy and lack of political will.

I’ve also been thinking about the side effects poverty including growing up without good nutrition, without access to preventive health care, without stable income and within environments of violence and abuse – frequently from those who fear the poor.

Growing up hungry, or in a home where parents work numerous jobs, or where meals aren’t served regularly, makes it difficult for children to concentrate in school. It makes it difficult or impossible to do homework. It makes children more susceptible to illness and it takes longer to recover. While there are always those who are exceptions to these kinds of circumstances, they are exceptions.

Eating nutritious food costs more. Our country’s farm policies subsidize highly processed and prepared food high in corn sugar and fat (corn oil). By extension we subsidize corporations (Cargill, ADM, Kraft, McDonald’s, Coca Cola, etc.) who use these ingredients. We do not subsidize nutritious fruits and vegetables, but we could.

Owning a car is expensive and many of the poor can’t afford it. But, as a nation, we do not promote public transportation. This makes taking the bus time consuming and arduous for those who use public transport to get to work, buy groceries, do laundry or take children to school or the doctor. Imagine having to do all of your errands using the bus. Many do.

On the other hand imagine a city where buses have the right of way, can change stop lights and move people quickly. Cities in South America have just such a system. A subway above ground – if you will. Read Bill McKibben’s Deep Economy to see how efficiently and inexpensively it works using what we already have.

With regard to housing, more than one expert has observed that the banking industry could make far more money betting that sub-prime mortgage securities would fail than in the actual income from mortgages and servicing them (read here and here). The existence of the working poor and lack of affordable housing made it a strong probability that greedy elites drove the sub-prime mortgage securities market boom, short & crash and the resulting bank bail-out costing taxpayers trillions.

Living on a planet where so many are hungry certainly isn’t good for me as a person with wealth – and we are all rich, by two thirds of the world’s standards, if we live on more than $2 a day. Living in a different part of the city I experience an “unreal” reality. I do not see life as it really is for most human beings. My focus stays in my small world, acquiring things for my small life. My gifts remain useless to the larger community – since I do not connect there. I am separated in many ways from the larger human family. My heart is thus, hardened. My life and relationships are less full and rich than they are meant to be. Therefore, I become less human than I am meant to be. I become more self-centered and self-focused, the opposite of what it means to be a truly human person.

We simply can’t afford the luxury of poverty anymore. The costs are too high; the costs in human talents lost from both the poor and rich, the costs in emergency room health care and disease, and the costs in human physical, mental and spiritual disabilities of both poor and rich alike.

Paying a fair wage is the first step in eliminating poverty. There is something morally and ethically wrong with an economic system that allows some to accumulate great wealth when so many children go hungry – especially in this country. Accumulating wealth is fine – once the basic needs of everyone have been met. Life is risky. People get sick, encounter tragedies, have accidents. We need adequate social safety nets, including health insurance, affordable housing and education, for everyone.

Eliminating poverty brings advantages to everyone. Health care costs are reduced for all. The level of education of our entire population improves benefitting everyone. Consequently the skill level of workers improves along with entrpreneurism and employment. Crime perpetrated by both rich and poor declines. Abuse, drug use and human slavery by both rich and poor decline. Self-determination and autonomy through democracy increase. Political and corporate terrorism and despotism no longer appeal with their promise of providing food.

Watch the movie Made in L.A. to see a true, but powerful story about how three young women changed the apparel industry. We each can make a difference.

Eliminating poverty is not just a religious imperative – although it is that. It is a human imperative. Even avowed atheists like philosopher Peter Singer promote the importance of caring for everyone and the impact it has on the whole of human society. Read his book The Life You Can Save for an eye-opening yet entertaining discussion.

We’ve created our economic system. We change the way it works by adjusting laws, regulating it and measuring what we think is important.

Our economy exists to care for the needs of human beings – not the other way around. This economic system can be an engine for growth with values that promote the good of all. Inhuman values of greed and selfishness can be replaced with values of concern and cooperation. Standards of fair trade, fair wages, health insurance for all and care of the environment can be implemented. These are not mutually exclusive interests. In fact they work together.

We are all interconnected and interdependent. When the poorest among us do well – we ALL do better. For the health and well being of all of us, poverty is a luxury we can no longer afford.

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Yoga, Sexuality and Integrity

Photo A. Meshar

My Yoga study continues to reveal some underlying similarities between Christianity and Yoga. Which isn’t surprising since neither tradition emerged in a vacuum. They influenced and impacted each other over thousands of years.

Traditionally, in the Eight-limbed Path of Ashtanga or Raja (Royal) Yoga there are five yamas or abstentions and five niyamas or observances. These could be understood as life directives like the Ten Commandments. One of the yamas or abstentions is brahmacharya. The word brahmacharya is made up of two words: Brahma, the absolute, eternal, supreme God-head and charya, which means “to follow” meaning follow a “virtuous” way of life.

In the tradition of Yoga, brahmacharya refers to sexual abstinence or celibacy. Like the monastic traditions of Christianity, celibacy is practiced as a way of harnessing energy from the relationships of one’s sexual life and diverting it toward deepening one’s spiritual life. In the Yoga this was traditionally taught and practiced only with regard to men.

However, if we understand sexuality as a part of our wholeness as human persons we can begin to interpret this yama of brahmacharya more expansively. If God is present within each person, then gnostic dualism (anti-body or spirit is better) is death-dealing. God within each of us means that God hears what we hear, feels what we feel and suffers what we suffer. We meet God in and through our bodies, including our sexuality. God experiences the world through our bodies. To know this is to value ourselves and our relationships with others. It is to be honest and truthful about the role sexuality plays in our lives.

The same energy that brings sexuality enlivens our spiritual life as well. Learning to become open and intimate with another also prepares us for opening ourselves to life, reality or God. Using our sexual desires in a way that is life-giving for us and for others honors our value as persons. This means that we must be willing to take the time and care required to go more deeply into a relationship with someone else. This takes effort, time and commitment. It takes monogamy. It is impossible to have the time or energy to maintain deep, committed, thus honest sexual relationships with more than one person at a time.

It also requires developing good boundaries. We develop enough self-understanding to know our own values and choose actions that respect those values. We have the ability to consistently choose those actions and responses that will keep us in a calm and abiding place. We learn to do this within the context of our own sexual relationships and within other relationships too. Simultaneously we respect others’ boundaries.

Brahmacharya in my own life means honoring my own sexuality. For me, this means choosing to be in a marriage because the relationship is life-giving and brings out the best of who I am. Earlier in my life I understood the vow of marriage (“until death do us part”) to mean staying in a marriage no matter what – even if it was abusive or soul-killing. I thought that breaking the vow meant breaking with one’s personal integrity. But gradually, I came to see that this vow is made by two parties and therefore must be honored by both parties. One person can’t honor the vow alone. When the other party is no longer committed to the vow, or was never committed, then the contract is broken.

Regardless, to remain in sexual relationships that hurt, abuse or cause sadness is to dishonor not only ourselves but others as well. This is a profound distortion of what sexuality is meant to be in our lives. We are all interconnected. Brahmacharya dictates that we seek sexuality in relationships that leave us feeling loved, valued and cared for.

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Divine Chocolate, Love and Romance

If you are buying chocolate this Valentine’s Day – look for Divine Chocolate. It’s Fair Trade. All proceeds go directly to the cooperative. It’s delectable.

I took a little time to explore the word love – its history, meanings and etymology. This exploration took me on an interesting journey. Come along with me.

As a noun love can mean “affection” and “friendliness.” As a verb it means “to care” or “to desire.”

Another word with the same meaning was the word “believe,” from the Old English belyfan. Originally “believe” meant “to hold dear,” or “to desire.”

In the late 12th century we find the word “belief” from the Old English geleafa, meaning “hold dear” or “love.” Originally, it was not connected in any way with our modern idea of religion or faith.

Jesus understood this original meaning (Mark 2:5, 5:34, 10:52, 11:22). The word in the original Greek of the New Testament is pistis. Jesus exclaimed that God healed because of the recipients’ own pistis – to have belief in this sense of “to hold dear,” and “to desire.” Pistis can be translated “to have faith” from the Latin root word fidere, meaning “to commit to,” or “to trust.” Jesus was clear that God healed wherever there was trust, desire and commitment – in other words surrender to something larger than oneself.

A theological meaning for the word “faith” as in “faith that Jesus was God” doesn’t attach to the word until the late 14th century.

Lastly I looked up another word often used along with the word “love” – the word “compassion.” Its root meaning is “to suffer with” (Latin, com-pati). This is the ability to see the world through someone else’s eyes; to identify with someone so closely that we suffer with them when they suffer. This requires being open enough to come to know the other person, no matter how different they are, or how much we may think we dislike them.

In the end, our growth comes through our commitment and desire to become compassionate – the ability to suffer with others. To move beyond the Golden Rule of treating others the way we want to be treated – to knowing enough about others to treat them the way they want to be treated.

Photo Think Sicily.com

Now this is romance. This will allow us to fall in love with the world – right where we are, as we are. No chocolate, flowers or date required. This is the ultimate romance that will change the world.

Fall in love with the world and life becomes very romantic. Do what you love with people you enjoy. Then you will be living a fabulous life. If romance with another person crosses your path, well that is just icing on this already many-layered cake!

Treat yourself for Valentine’s Day – Bread and Tulips is a film about falling in love with life – and accepting it as it really is – rather than how we would like it to be. Once we truly accept the reality of our lives we can make real changes to live authentically and with integrity. Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler is a provacative book along the same lines.

A special Valentine’s Day message to my DH – You bring out the best in me. Sharing our life journeys has been an unexpected gift. It is a joy to live with someone who shares my values and passion for social justice. I admire your volunteer work and writing to move the political discourse in our community forward. Your ability to listen and share thoughtfully keep me grounded. You find beauty in unexpected places. Life with you is the best Valentine!

Photo A. Meshar

American Catholicism – How’s it Working?

Photo ScholarsAndRogues.com

Jesus described himself as anthropos. This word in the Greek text was originally translated “son of man.” We can better translate it today as “the human one.” The latter is the central truth of Christianity.

If the central truth of Christianity is what it means to be a human person we have to ask ourselves, does the practice of American Catholicism bring us closer to this truth? Christianity, including Catholicism, should foster human persons who have developed their own well-formed interior moral sense. Well formed enough to be able to look beyond their own immediate family, circle or group. Well formed enough to have the compassion to go deeper and want to change the legal, political, social and economic structures that keep people, indeed entire nations, in poverty. Charity alone won’t accomplish this.

Instead, in observing North American Catholic communities, Catholicism seems to foster what governments also hope to accomplish; too many people who look to external authorities for moral guidance instead of forming their own; too many who are compliant with cultural norms – even when those norms or lifestyles create suffering elsewhere in the world.

American Catholicism exhibits an obvious clericalism that promotes poor personal boundaries and the abdication of personal responsibility. Too many practicing American Catholics are committed to attending Mass every Sunday yet resist moving out into the world and learning about the complex nature of poverty. It seems that American Catholics have more concern and interest in sports teams.

Is this all Catholicism can achieve in North America? If this is where we are as an American Catholic community, we wouldn’t score high on any evaluation I can think of.

While part of this can be blamed on a Church that has become inculturated, we need to look critically at church legal and organizational structures that promote external authority and immaturity over adult responsibility. From ordinational leadership with no accountability to the annulment tribunal, we as Catholics have succumbed to church structures that promote the value of external authority rather than take responsibility for the development of our own mature autonomy – primacy of conscience.

Yet we claim to be Catholic Christians. As such, we claim to be called by God to live differently in the world. We claim to be discerning and listening to the Spirit. By definition this means we live by our own well-formed interior authority, God’s authority within us – not exterior authority, not the expectations of our culture or society. Do we?