by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Meaning of Life or A Life of Meaning?

Photo R. Meshar

What is the meaning of life? Isn’t this the question we all ask ourselves as some point? Many spend a large part of their lives searching for the answer this very question. This question has motivated trips to gurus in India and more. But upon further reflection, I think this is the wrong question. It seems to me there is a much better question to ask.

Instead ask, “How will I bring meaning to my life?” This is something we can do for ourselves. In the end, when all is said and done, we want our lives to mean something. We want the world to be better off because we were in it. We want to be better persons on the inside for having lived our lives.

This is a question of how to best serve the world and bring meaning to our lives.

This is a better question because if the world is, in fact, a random event then I will still have made good use of my life and contributed to a better world for those, including perhaps my own children, who come after me.

On the other hand, if something larger than ourselves initiated the process of creation (the big bang) and pervades the universe, including us, than living a life of meaning connects me with this larger life force or “love” if you will. Observing the universe convinces me that this life force is creative, generative, other-centered – the best part of myself even.

In the end serving others will bring us to a life of depth and meaning. This is a valuable outcome regardless whether or not we believe in a Creator. Serving others forces us to let go of our own ideas of how our life should be. We think too small. We can’t begin to comprehend where life or the universe would like to take us.

Let go. Focus outward. Live.

You may also like InnerPeace – The Cinderella Syndrome, Don’t Worry, Be Happy and Yoga Wisdom.

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Trust Yourself

Photo R. Meshar

God does not test us – but life does. Life is challenging and risky. Yet,  God takes a risk in allowing a creation that is free to choose, even choose wrongly. In the same way we take a risk in living too.

This is why it is so important to trust yourself. When you can access the trust and love you have deep within yourself, then when others fall short or relationships change or fall apart, devastation isn’t inevitable. These things will happen to us. It’s how we navigate these waters that matters.

Trusting ourselves first isn’t the same as being unwilling to trust others, or being overly independent or isolated. It doesn’t mean that we shield ourselves from the risks life will inevitably bring.

Rather, we can count on our humility and tenacity to seek help from others when we need it, learn from experiences of missplaced trust, develop new relationshps, be creative, regroup and make changes. We can do this because our love and trust of ourselves comes from deep within. It is always with us.

God lives within the deepest interior of our hearts. Trusting ourselves is intertwined with trusting God.

Interestingly Dictionary.com describes “faith” as “Confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability” (emphasis mine). Trust in our truest selves, our deepest interior or God then, is faith.

Trusting ourselves gives us flexibility, resiliance and hope in the face of adversity, hurt and suffering.

Trust yourself.

Photo R. Meshar

You may also like InnerPeace – Don’t Live Small, InnerPeace – The Cinderella Syndrome and What Do You Do With Your Suffering?

 

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Is Family Everything?

Photo R. Meshar

You’ve probably heard the phrase “family is everything.” Perhaps you’ve even said it yourself. But stop and think. As DH said to a friend, “Are you on automatic pilot when you say this?”

The idea that “family is everything” is a common North American cultural fiction. “Family is everything” may sell Hallmark cards and wall plaques but it doesn’t reflect reality.

Most of us can think of at least one person, from our family of origin or even adult children, who has NOT treated us even remotely the way family members should treat each other. In this case family is most definitely not everything. Relationships with people who treat us badly should be minimized or even better, eliminated – genetic linkage not withstanding.

Conversely, you probably have someone in your life who has been very kind to you but isn’t directly (and who decides what constitutes “directly”?) genetically linked to you. Foster and work to maintain these kinds of relationships.

The truth is that if you go back far enough, everyone is family. We are all part of the human family. All are family. So categorizing people genetically is completely arbitrary.

Therefore, “family” really means anyone who cares for us, supports us, stands with us and is trustworthy. Likewise, we offer care, support and are trustworthy with them too.

Reassess. If “family is everything” then we must ask, “Who do we consider family?”

Photo ChildrensHarbor.org

You may also like InnerPeace – Conversation or Recitation?, Truth or Consequences and What is Your Story?

 

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Walkin’ on Sunshine or Eggshells?

Photo R. Meshar

Remember the song, “I’m Walkin’ on Sunshine”? Most of the time our closest relationships should feel like walking on sunshine. But what if, like me, you’ve had an experience in many family relationships that feels more like walking on eggshells?

Walking on eggshells is a warning flag that something is very wrong. In healthy relationships, even when one of the participants is in a bad mood, tired or irritated, trust still underpins the relationship. Because of the underlying trust, neither one ever feels like they’re walking on eggshells.

Walking on eggshells means you can’t be sure what is coming next. This is because your experience has been that what is coming next could be a “rocket across the bow” to you.

People who live with those caught in addiction frequently describe their relationship with the addict as one of “walking on eggshells.” Similar descriptions will be used for relationships with narcissists, manipulators and other types of self-centered behavior.

Over time, walking on eggshells can create severe stress, may even cause depression or worse. No one deserves this in her or his life.

Stop. Assess. Consult a therapist. Make changes. Your life and health depend on it. Start walkin’ on sunshine.

Photo R. Meshar

You may also like Thinkers Anonymous, Difficult People, and Question the Culture.

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Biking Uphill

Photo R. Meshar

This is a brief discussion about mutuality in relationships. Are you doing all of the “heavy lifting” in some of your relationships? Perhaps you do most of the inviting and arranging of activities. If you do – and this is important – does this feel out of balance to you?

Healthy adult relationships should be like riding a bike. It requires some effort, but it should be fun. It shouldn’t feel like biking up hill most of the time. There should be effortless coasting downhill, feeling the breeze on your face. This is especially true of relationships where you spend a lot of time.

Think about it. If you feel out of balance in a relationship take a step back. Do less. Give the other person a chance to contribute. If this is a close relationship, explain that you feel you are doing too much and need to re-balance. If contribution is not forth coming, allow the relationship to move to a level where both of you are making similar effort – whatever level that may be.

Enjoy the new ease you’ve just incorporated into your life.

You may also like InnerPeace – The Cinderella Syndrome, InnerPeace – Don’t Live Small and How Much is Enough?