by Roxanne -

Fill Your Life With Fabulous

Photo R. Meshar

During the past few years I have been consciously working on putting only good – no, make that fabulous – relationships, events and things into my life. Simultaneously, I have been eliminating or minimizing anything that doesn’t add something fabulous to my life.

Life is short. We never know how much time we have. Why spend it with people who treat others badly, pull us down or make us feel less than who we really are?

The most fabulous thing to add is service to others, especially service to those who are struggling. In helping them I help myself. That is the paradox of becoming who we are meant to be. We are all connected. We can’t really manifest our best selves until everyone is able to share their gifts. That is why working to end poverty and hunger is so important – crucial really. We need the gifts of everyone and we need to serve those who struggle in order to be healed of our own blindness.

When I am asked to participate in a group, event or activity I stop and ask, “Is this something that I can’t wait to do?” If the answer is “yes” then it goes on my calendar. If not, then I politely decline. No excuse required.

The same goes for people. If the relationship is mutual and life-enhancing I spend time there. If not, I minimize my exposure there as much as possible.

Think about where we spend most of our time: work, friends and family. Do you love your work? If yes, then you are filling your life with what you love. If not, then start taking steps to do what you love. To do anything less is to devalue the life you have been given.

The same is true of family and friends. Apply the “fabulous standard.” If you love spending time with everyone in your life, then you are in a good place. If not, minimize contact with those who don’t enhance your life or make you feel wonderful. Instead, start spending more time with those whose presence adds to your life. Be around people whom you admire, who appreciate you, make you feel terrific and are happy to spend time with you. Be around those who live with integrity and who value the common good. A helpful tip: these will not be people that you would normally expect.

Apply the “fabulous standard” to activities, food, movies, books, clothes and household items. In carefully selecting the content of my life I find that what is there is of high quality – but not necessarily high priced.

Live intentionally. It’s simple really. Be the empty bowl. The recipe: Take one life. Add everything you love. Take out everything you don’t. Mix and enjoy.

Whoever you are, wherever you are – fill your life with fabulous!

Originally published on this day last year, as I prepare for my doctoral proposal defense today – exactly one year later – I can see the importance of embracing filling my life with fabulous! Last year on this day I could never have envisioned completing my doctoral course work today. Thank you to all of the many people who supported me in this undertaking. I am VERY grateful to you all!

You may also like Secret of Wealth From Ancient Babylon, Babette’s Feast, Happiness is a Choice, Don’t Worry Be Happy and What Do You Do With Your Suffering?

 

by Roxanne -

Myth of Objective Reporting

The post Truth or Consequences talked about the fact that the way we speak about something determines how we understand it. It’s not the other way around.

In a previous post I discussed how our untruthful speech keeps us from seeing reality as it really is. Here’s another example: the idea that there is such a thing as an “objective” or “unbiased” point of view, or reporting.

Why? Because the reality is that all reporting is biased. It can not help but be biased. This is because we each come to a situation with our own experiences, background understanding, education and cultural lenses. We have no way to write or speak about anything that doesn’t incorporate these aspects of ourselves.

For example, I can’t have the perspective of a man of color from the global south. I can only understand and speak about the world from the perspective of a woman of northern European descent, living in North America, benefiting from white privilege with access to far more than my fair share of resources compared to most human beings on the planet.

Rather than trying to make reporting “unbiased” which is impossible, we should try to learn what the bias actually is.

In other words – there is ALWAYS a bias. The question to ask is “What is the bias?” and “Is the reporter or speaker open and transparent about their bias?”

Every newspaper, book, magazine and TV show edits the material they have. Some facts are reported. Some pictures are chosen. Some quotes are used. Others are not. Everything we see has been selected and edited using a particular lens. What is the lens? Who pays? Which corporations sponsor? Who benefits?

As a Catholic theologian, my bias is for the common good. This does not mean “to compromise” like in a real estate deal. I don’t give up something, others give up something and we wash out somewhere in the middle. No. Rather, we each listen to every one’s needs. Then we use imagination and creativity to come up with something that meets the needs of all.

In striving for the bias of the common good I use my lens described above. It is a limited lens, which is why it is important that I listen to many points of view. This requires on-going reading, conversation and education.

This is not fast. It is not easy. But that is not to say that it is impossible. It does take time, effort and perseverance. It does take listening to one’s self and to others. But this is the task of caring for our human family.

You may also like Truth of Consequences, What is Your Story?,

by Roxanne -

Money Can Buy Happiness

Photo USMint.gov

Ever notice that when you buy something for someone else your feel much better than when you buy something for yourself? Michael Norton did and took a closer look:

At TEDxCambridge, Michael Norton shares fascinating research on how money can, indeed buy happiness — when you don’t spend it on yourself. Listen for surprising data on the many ways pro-social spending can benefit you, your work, and (of course) other people.

See for yourself what he found out in his TED Talk here. Spending money on ourselves merely serves to isolate us and doesn’t increase our happiness. The exception would be those who are self-centered narcissists, who will fail to see any value in this idea. But for the rest of us, spending money on others, any amount, causes a big increase in our own happiness. This is powerful.

Now imagine what this would mean not only for individuals, but for local government, public policy and corporations?

It doesn’t matter how you spend money on someone else – it only matters that you spend it on someone else. Why not be strategic and spend your money in a way that permanently improves the lives of others?

Become a friend of Mary’s Pence and automatically donate a monthly amount of your choice. Mary’s Pence ESPERA Funds create community lending pools that permanently improve the lives of women in an entire community.

by Roxanne -

InnerPeace – Rewire Your Brain

Photo R. Meshar

Recently Diane Ackerman wrote an article for the New York Times entitled, “The Brain on Love.” Basically it notes that when individuals are in loving and stable relationships they tend to feel safe, secure, content and even blissful. Feeling loved, safe and secure allows us then, to engage the world and others in healthy and productive ways.

But what about people who have experienced a series of unhealthy realtionships? Maybe, even since childhood? The good news is that our brains are endlessly adaptive and we can rewire or change our neural pathways at any time. People may work do this, for example, when they enter therapy – as the article notes.

What the article doesn’t state – is that we don’t actually need to be in an intimate or married relationship with another person. We can  meditate, enter long periods of silence and connect with that unconditional loving part of ourselves that exists deep within our own hearts.

The universe is holy and that holiness exists within us too. We carry it with us. Sometimes unhealthy relationships, work, addictions or busyness simply distract us from connecting with the love and beauty we carry inside ourselves.

This is why meditation, prayer (another word for meditation) and silence offer such an important place of healing. We can heal our distorted ways of viewing ourselves, relationships and reality around us.

Our brain seeks healthy love and compassion to heal itself – which paradoxically – exists within our brain. Meditate, use healthy self talk. Rewire your brain pathways – a little bit each day.

Photo R. Meshar

 

 

by Roxanne -

Passover and Exodus

Passover blessings to everyone celebrating this special meal today.

What dangers have passed over you in your life?

Reflecting, I pray that all the crazinesses, greed and seductions of our dominant culture (like the dominant culture of ancient Egypt) will pass over the door of my soul. Through Passover, the ancient Israelites made an exodus into a new life. I have made an exodus into a new life too.

Embarking on an exodus means leaving many things behind – material things and unhealthy relationships too. Often one must leave in haste, just as the Israelites did, packing lightly for travel in the desert.

In the desert the known landmarks of life are gone. New ways of living must be discovered. Things are uncertain from day to day.

But we don’t take the journey alone. I didn’t and couldn’t have done it on my own. Walking through the desert is difficult, scary and comes with no guarantees. It requires trust – another word for faith. God, through other people, walked with me to envision and create a wonderful new life. It wasn’t a life that I could ever have envisioned for myself. But fortunately others could envision it for me – even when I couldn’t see it.

Now, in gratefulness, I do what I can to educate myself and work to end systems of death or injustice, so that others can experience passover – living into a better life too.

You may also like Walk Out of the Tomb.