When people wonder why I’m so interested in voluntary simplicity and minimalism I can explain that the less stuff I have, the more deeply I can enter into my life. Or I can remind people of the smaller environmental impact of living with less. Of course there’s always the realization that wealth is not about having more but about needing less. Needing less brings great freedom.
“Over the past year, I’ve heard many a critique of minimalism – mainly by people who think it’s nothing more than counting items, decluttering closets, or living out of a backpack.
My answer: minimalism is so much more than that. Minimalism is determining when you have enough, so you can do something extraordinary with the excess.
That may mean working fewer hours so you can spend more time with your kids; buying less stuff to preserve more of the Earth’s resources; or, like Toby Ord, spending less money on material goods and donating more to those in need.
In short, living with less means you have more to give.
That’s the beauty of enough – and that’s how minimalism can change the world.”
To quote theologian Sallie McFague, “We all live more simply so that others can simply live.”
Philosopher Peter Singer wrote a very interesting and compelling book about the same idea: The Life You Can Save. He uses memorable stories to captivate the reader. I recommend it.
Meanwhile, my life’s about to become even more simplified. This year I am moving to another level of simplicity. Check in tomorrow to find out what it is.
Today I have been thinking about approval and self esteem. Where does our sense of feeling approved of come from? As children we seek approval from our parents as a way to build our self-esteem. Unfortunately many of us may have had parents who were incapable of providing the approval we needed. However, as adults we can and must change that. We must provide ourselves with our own high approval ratings.
We have a responsibility to nurture and develop our own self-esteem. We have the task of providing ourselves with the emotional support we need. No one else can possibly provide us with all of our emotional needs. Further, mature adults are not interested in parenting other adults. What do you do to maintain a high approval rating for yourself?
As mature adults we value our self worth and are not dependant on others to provide us with self esteem, self confidence or self respect. What other adults can do for us and what we can do for them, is provide a safe place to listen and share while being encouraging and supportive. Developing a network of people who can be in relationship with us in this way helps us stay emotionally healthy and confident.
Healthy adult relationships are mutual, meaning both people participate in a balanced way over time. If the relationship is no longer mutual, then changes need to be made or perhaps the relationship has run its course. There is no blame attached to ending a relationship. It’s simply a recognition that the relationship is no longer a good fit for one or the other.
But where there is a good fit, relationships can deepen and enrich our lives immeasurably. These friendships bring out the best in us, want the best for us and give us energy and joy.
Here’s to more healthy relationships in the world.
In my life, worry is a symptom of co-dependancy. When I find myself worrying I have to stop and think. It is a constant task to remind myself that adults don’t worry about other adults.
Adults allow others to make their own choices. Advice may not be welcome unless specifically asked for. My task is to be supportive and encouraging – especially when a decision for someone doesn’t work out as expected.
Meanwhile, it is my job to pay attention to the choices I make and the consequences of those choices. Doing this requires that I know what my values are and make choices that align with those values. This gives me day to day integrity, meaning my interior is aligned with my exterior choices. Then it is up to me to be clear with myself and communicate clearly with others about what I am willing and/or not willing to do. Once I have communicated this, how they deal with that information is their responsibility, not mine. I have no control over the reactions or responses of others.
When someone doesn’t respect my choices I have a responsibility to clearly restate them. If that doesn’t work then I can choose to leave or not participate. If someone consistently doesn’t respect my choices then I need to decide if this person belongs in my life. It doesn’t matter who they are, or if they are family or not. As I have already mentioned in a prior post, arbitrary genetic linkage doesn’t automatically confer “family” status. In the end, someone who isn’t respectful of me, by definition, doesn’t fall into the category of family.
People we work with are another situation. But even then, we have a responsibility to remove ourselves from non-respectful or toxic situations in the long term.
For me, living this out takes reflection and practice. But constant practice keeps my life confrontation-free because I am not passing judgment on other’s choices or requests, merely stating what I am willing to do. It also keeps my life worry-free and drama-free releasing lots of energy for other things – like this blog!
The past few months I have embarked on the study of yoga. While I have been practicing yoga for awhile now I decided to learn more about its philosophy, history and traditions.
Practicing the poses of yoga are only one aspect of this tradition. Through the practice I am really learning about my own limits and how they vary from day to day. I am learning what fits my body and what works best to keep my mind focused and present for each pose. In this way I am learning to be my own teacher. Being my own teacher means being able to recognize what is healthy for me. This wisdom can be carried over into the rest of my life. What choices will keep me present and focused? What choices will keep me physically healthy? What choices will keep me healthy mentally?
Practicing yoga is one way to connect with the teacher within. Deep inside, we have a center point, a place that is our most authentic self. Access it and we can tap into our own wisdom wherever and whenever we need it. Confident in our ability to be present to this wisdom we can work to change systems of poverty, lack and injustice in the world.
Find joy and peace within. Become your own teacher.
