Who do you want to be? Who do you hang out with? These are two interconnected and related questions. I have learned that if I want to be someone who is kind, inclusive, truthful, generous and compassionate, it is important to spend time with people who embody these virtues.
We need people in our lives who can demonstrate what kindness or compassion look like everyday. Spending time with others who are other-centered helps me to see the everyday choices that this involves. This gives me the opportunity to make similar choices.
Conversely, if I spend time with people who are self-centered, self-focused or interested in living a life of comfort, then I will begin to experience these dysfunctions as “normal.”
How do children learn to make choices? From watching the choices that adults close to them make. How do we learn? The same way. We learn by watching the choices made by those whom we admire.
Where to find people who embody virtuous choices? Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a non-profit near you. Chances are good you will meet other volunteers, homeless women and children and others struggling who demonstrate these virtues daily. Sometimes churches are good places too – though that’s not a guarantee.
Therefore, to become the person you want to be, think carefully about who you spend your time with. Who do you hang with?
Many people are unclear regarding what is charity and what is justice. In fact, the boundary isn’t always black and white. There are gray areas. But generally, charity provides immediate aid for suffering, while justice works to end the underlying causes.
Here’s a biblical example often used to explain the idea of biblical justice, right relationshps or making things right. Moses didn’t ask Pharaoh to give the Israelites better working conditions, shorter hours and health care. Instead, Moses asked to end their entire economic system of slavery. He asked for justice. “Let my people go!” Moses’ request was to end the underlying system of slavery that caused the suffering.
A good example for us today is hunger. Donating food to the food shelf or volunteering at Feed My Starving Children is charity. We could donate food forever and there would still be hunger in the world because the root causes of hunger wouldn’t have been eliminated. On the other hand, Justice is working with organizations like Mary’s Pence or Bread for the World to end the underlying causes of hunger.
We need both and we each need to do both. Charity provides immediate results. This alleviates immediate suffering while motivating us to continue to work for justice, the changing of laws and systems. Justice takes longer and requires the coordinated efforts of many. It can be discouraging because we don’t see immediate results – but it is even more necessary for ending suffering and bringing peace to the world.
Becoming truly human requires real freedom. Stated another way, as long as we are held captive by that which prevents us from choosing in our own best interests (i.e. working for the good of all) we are not truly free.
Justice begins with education. The bible is replete with examples of people escaping injustice in the dominant culture. Exodus and the Exile are two well known examples of stories that work as metaphors for our own spiritual journey to freedom, but also serve as models for real world oppression.
Jesus too, freed people from physical and spiritual oppression or afflictions. But he also told many parables about how the world could be different, more just, about the in-breaking of the reign of God or the Kingdom (e.g. Matt 8:18-23, 20:1-16, 22:2-14 ). These parables helped others to become empowered to escape the actual oppression of families, tribes and the dominant culture of his time.
Scripture scholar Marcus Borg explained this idea of the bible as a collection of stories about justice and freedom in a talk he gave in April 2011, at Westminster Forum entitled “Speaking Christian.”
We cannot be truly free until we are no longer held captive by unjust ideas, patterns and practices of our dominant culture.
Click on the links above. Learn more. Share what you learn.
“If you want peace, work for justice” Pope Paul VI.
On this day of remembering, do something for yourself. Listen to the best Catholic theologians have to offer. Click over to Catholic Theological Union’s Learn@CTU website and listen to talks or read articles by their world famous faculty.
Part of good mental health requires having people in our lives with whom we can connect, share and engage in in-depth conversations.
This is not like talks we may have with acquaintances for example. In this case the conversation is more likely to be light and often each party merely recites recent events or transmits necessary information. This is “facebook” interaction. Go for “champagne” instead of “diet soda” in your interactions.
Conversation is the “champagne.” With real conversation there is both sharing and listening. There is acknowledgement of what was shared before moving on to another subject. Statements may be made, but also questions are asked. Both participants are curious about the other. There is reduced or little expectation about what the other will say. This is because the more you know someone the more there is to know. People have depth. People change. They can and do surprise us.
God speaks to us through the thoughtful voice of others in our lives. How can we know when God is speaking? Consider the fruits. Did it surprise you? Does it bring out the best in you? Did it stretch you beyond your comfort zone? Those are cues that the Spirit is at work. God is in relationships.
Mature personal growth and development requires people in our lives whom we trust and with whom we can have thoughtful conversations. We need to share. We need to feel heard. We need to listen and remember.
Limit or eliminate relationships that don’t do this. Especially minimize relationships where you aren’t heard, the talk is negative or only one-way. Interractions like these sap your energy and joy. Overtime they are soul-killing.
Instead, fill your life with fabulous. Build relationships into your life that engage you in deeper conversation. It’s mutual. It’s memorable. It’s enriching, energizing and life-changing.
We often hear the term “live large.” But what does it mean to “live small”?
Professor Reginald Ray offers a good description in his book Indestructible Truth. In writing about motivation or the intention with which we pursue various activities in life he says:
“The small level of ordinary motivation refers to beings whose focus in life is on being happy and content within their one lifetime, trying to make themselves secure and comfortable. They seek a good family situation, health, an ample income, a fine dwelling, social status, and so on. They . . . are not concerned with what happened before . . . or what will happen later.” (Ray, 314)
It seems to me that to live a middle class lifestyle without any concern about how that lifestyle exploits or impoverishes others is truly a very small life. It is difficult to learn how many ordinary things we do affect others around the globe. But it is necessary in living an examined life.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
My one life is a very valuable gift. Living small devalues that gift.
