Educator Parker Palmer’s new book Healing the Heart of Democracy, had this memorable paragraph on socializing only with one’s family or the resistance to developing friendships in the public sphere:
“It is worth noting that the word private comes from the Latin privare, the root that gives rise to the word deprived. How ironic that the private life so highly prized by Americans is a life that the ancients regarded as a form of deprivation for grown-ups. As my Manhattan cabbie said, ‘If you’re with the same kind of people all the time, it’s like wearing the same suit all time – you get sick of it.’ What could be more stupefying for fully functional adults than to have nothing but a private life where one continually sees the same people and recycles the same experiences, attitudes, and ideas? No wonder the Greek word for a strictly private person was idiots, from which we get the term idiot, meaning someone who says or does stupid things.” (emphasis author’s, 95)
The next time someone brags that they’re a “private person” or are too busy with their family activities remember this.
This is not a matter of being introverted or extroverted – or the ability to be comfortable with many people rather than one or two people at a time. Either way, we need a wide variety of rich relationships with others who are different from ourselves and our families in order to be more of who we are, healthy and whole.
Our culture lacks this which is why so many of us are xenophobic (fearful of strangers). It is also why we too often become drama-focused and narcissistic. Committed and ongoing friendship with those who are different brings social, psychological, physical and spiritual health.
Stretch beyond your comfort zone. Invite someone new for a cup of tea. Meet someone new for a walk. Join a discussion group or book club. Teach English as a second language. Expand your support network of friends over family. You will learn more about who you really are.
You may also like Fundamentalism is Fatal, The Dangers of Obedience and Compliance and Tasting Caviar.
[…] may also like InnerPeace – “Family Only” Idiocy, and The Dangers of Obedience and […]