Tonight we shared a passover seder meal at our neighbor’s home. Many Christians, one Jew.
Yet we are all Isra-el (one who struggles with God or El-ohim).
Our host, E, is a good friend and an amazing cook. There was tender roasted lamb seasoned with thyme, rosemary and olive oil. There was the charosset of walnuts, ginger, apples and dates. There was steaming, homemade chicken matzo ball soup. There were roasted potatoes, boiled eggs and horseradish.
Like many generations before us, we shared the bitter herbs of suffering dipped in the salt water of tears. We broke the unleavened bread and drank the wine.
We heard the story of how people of every time and place escape from the oppression they are caught in – whether it is the dominant culture, as in Egypt, or the seduction of anything that separates us from God or our true selves.
We prayed that death, in all its forms, will pass over this house, these lives.
We remembered how we wandered in the desert of our lives, looking for something more.
We gave thanks in gratefulness, for all God has done, is doing and will do in our lives to make us who we are truly meant to be. We are being slowly healed by healthy relationships in community.
As we heard the ancient blessings in Hebrew, Aramaic and English, even Elijah came to sit in the empty chair near the end, in the form of one more guest.
It was an evening of friendship, generosity and hospitality. Thank you E.
We seek truth in our lives. As human beings we innately know that our search for God includes a search for truth. In this search, our ability to think and speak truthfully says a lot about who we are as persons and how we value integrity.
Truthfulness is important. It is the foundation of embarking on the spiritual journey. We begin with a willingness to confront the truth of our lives, our families, our culture and our world.
A refusal to acknowledge, in ourselves or others, the destruction of addiction, the inability to confront controlling, self-centered behavior or the desire to keep family secrets can all have tragic consequences. A consistent refusal to look at the truth inevitably results in unnecessary pain and suffering.
I have noticed that, as a culture, we are not very truthful. We speak about things in ways that are not true, are not clear or are meant to give the impression of something else.
As the work of Paul Ricoeur demonstrated, language forms how we think and view the world. To be able to see reality clearly, it is critical that we speak about what we experience truthfully and honestly. This means we must take care in how we speak about things.
One of the things we do so frequently that we don’t even notice it anymore, is not using gender inclusive language. Although this is slowly changing. We use “men” when we really mean “women and men,” “human beings” or “humanity.” To insist on using “men” only implies that most humans are men (which is incorrect and untruthful) or that “men” is normative – also incorrect.
Similarly, as last month’s Mary’s Pence letter reminded me, “women’s rights” are actually “human rights.”
Another common occurrence in our culture is the use of violent language. I am often guilty of this. Violent language gives the impression that violence is OK, when it is not. Why not use peaceful language instead? So “bullet points” could easily be “main points” or “key points.” “Target marketing” could be “focused marketing.” You can think of many more examples.
Here’s another example. We shouldn’t speak about “health care reform” when what we are really discussing is “health insurance reform.” The focus should be on health insurance companies, not health care providers. But our untruthful way of speaking clouds this issue.
There are many other ways that we speak untruthfully about things and this makes it difficult for us to see clearly, or to respond in appropriate ways. My husband has an article about this called “The Great Language Barrier Beef” you can read Part 1 here. If you like you can continue reading Part 2 here.
In his classic book, The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz maintains that one of the highest virtues we can work toward is to “use impeccable speech” or always speak clearly and truthfully.
“Say what you mean and mean what you say” is wise advice – or as Jesus said, “Let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’, and your ‘no’ mean ‘no'” (Matt 5:37). This doesn’t mean that we should speak about things in a way that will intentionally hurt or offend. Rather, we should convey the truth with honesty, love and integrity. We can be truth tellers and truthful speakers.
“Then you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32).
By now you’ve noticed some big quality and price differences in men’s and women’s clothing. Especially for casual clothing, men’s clothing is typically less expensive for the quality level, better made in general and fits better. Men usually have a two-size option for their clothing which means a nicer fit and therefore it looks and wears better.
Women’s clothes, on the other hand, cost more, are not made very well and have minimal size options. Although women have more body dimensions, manufacturers usually make only one-size option for women’s apparel (misses sizes 4-18). On occasion sometimes pants or tops will come petite, average and tall, but not often.
So what to do? So far I’ve been pretty good about adhering to my challenge of buying no new clothes this year. So I’m not going to be looking for casual clothes anytime soon. But if you are, I strongly recommend resale clothing stores that carry men’s clothing.
In resale shops you will find that men’s used shirts come in a rainbow of colors to wear in place of a sweater. In fact, the colors in resale stores are likely to be the colors women prefer – pastels and brights. They are super soft for sleeping in. The 2-way size option (neck, sleeve length) means you can find a size that fits better – unless you have a larger bust. But even then, just leave the shirt casually unbuttoned with a bright tank top underneath.
Men’s khakis and jeans may actually fit you better because you have both the waist and length size options. Again the construction is usually excellent. Already washed and worn means the fabric is softer. The new “boyfriend jeans” look is made for hijacking men’s pants. At resale store prices you can afford more than one pair.
Finally, for new clothing, men’s sport socks (gray and white) and dress socks look nicer, shrink to fit women who wear shoe sizes 8-10 and cost less. Men’s sleep pants are a better option for the same reasons.
Like my post on the furniture industry, the women’s apparel industry is not only patriarchal but deeply asleep. But you don’t have to be!
As the school year comes to a close I think it is important to remember that good schools and poor schools are no accident.
Often people will say to me “I was blessed to grow up in a neighborhood with good schools.” Actually, this was not a blessing from God at all, rather it was the result of a system WE have set up.
We pay for schools through property taxes. Therefore, if you live in a high income or higher cost property community you will pay more in property taxes and your schools will have more property tax dollars to spend. By the same token, if your neighborhood is poor or low income the schools will have far fewer dollars available.
The long term effect is that this system we have created keeps most poor people from having a better education – thus they are more likely to remain poor. They face other daily challenges as well, by virtue of being poor, but a good education will not likely be available to them.
So – I benefit from a short-sighted system that is designed to benefit some at the expense of others. This is systemic injustice. Overall of course, when people are poorly educated, everyone suffers. We are all connected. A well educated society benefits everyone in the long term.
Some things may actually be blessings, but more often than not they aren’t. They are the result of systems we have created. It’s time we start speaking about things truthfully, as they really are.
We set this system up and we can change it. Use your voice. Educate, vote and volunteer.
I am considering returning to a shorter (still attractive) hairstyle that will travel well and eliminate a hairdryer, hair spray, mousse, etc. Less time, less energy and less expensive.
What about make-up? So far, make-up every day of my adult life, I think. But in the summer, with sun and more color, healthy diet, more yoga and exercise — maybe I could use less, or no make-up??? Something to consider.
Pass along some of my books and CDs to others? This time last year I donated over 300 books and CDs – but I know I could revisit my bookshelves and find more. It’s always a challenge to hold things “lightly” – we merely steward them for others.
Work towards “zero waste” when entertaining or at gatherings.
Continue to try and use less chemicals, cleaners, water-based laundry soap and other products. Watch for products with minimal packaging.
Check front hall and linen closets for unused items? Reduce to one car? Walk more, drive less? Use the Light Rail more often?
What about how I use my resources? I spend, invest and donate. Each of these should support my values of justice for people and the environment. Basically, pretty simple.
These will be my tasks this spring and summer.
For those of you who may be moving or downsizing soon, take a close look at Miss Minimalist’s “400 Square Feet is the New Black.” Not for everyone, but everyone can find a useful idea here.
The room below will give you a sense for what 400 sq. ft. feels like.
Tonight we shared a passover seder meal at our neighbor’s home. Many Christians, one Jew.
