by Roxanne -

Secret to the Fabulous Life

Photo Curly Girl.com

Last Saturday I was in Gypsy Moon with a very good friend. Gypsy Moon is a quirky little shop with unusual things located on Randolph Avenue in St. Paul. You’ll find it across the street from the University of St. Catherine, in the neighborhood where I grew up.

If, when you are there, you go all the way to the back of the shop, past the rusting metal planters, beyond the antique armoire and the display of artisan jewelry, you will find an additional small room. There on the table I saw it. It was printed on a Curly Girl greeting card – what I learned from another very good friend – so I purchased it and sent it to her.

“What was it?” you might ask. It was the secret to a fabulous life. But it was short and sweet and summed up in very few words.

On the card was written this:

The real secret to the fabulous life

is to live imperfectly with great delight.

It is so very true! In the end, this is all we can do. Nothing is ever perfect and it is best when it is imperfect. It was all created this way, but not by us. We should accept the gift and delight in it. Give up our ideas of how we think our lives should be or should have been. Instead, embrace the life we have been given. Compassionate and forgiving theology – a gift, as modeled by a very god friend and now it seems, on a greeting card.

You may also like Authentic Living – Life Editing and Market Flowers – Fabulous.

by Roxanne -

Telling Stories

Listening to Minnesota artist Ann Reed’s CD “Telling Stories” (a gift from my friend L), I was thinking about the importance of telling stories in our lives.

Especially for women – telling our story and stories from our lives – is the only way to confront the “narrative of the lie” or the story our culture gives us. This story frequently confines women to certain roles, certain life paths and certain ways of being in the world that limit and restrict what women can do.

For example, believing that there is a “public sphere” and “private sphere” and relegating women to the private sphere, effectively removes our voices from public life. It also removes our rights since these rights are often considered not applicable to private sphere or home life. Thus, women who work at home may be considered to be doing less valuable work, typically aren’t paid, may be subject to emotional, physical or domestic abuse, may be inculturated to serve others even when it means denying one’s own education, development, talents or gifts.

Someone once admonished me to “stop telling stories.” It was interesting that the request was not to “stop lying” – because telling about my own experience certainly was not lying. But it was sharing a truth in my own experience that confronted the lie being told by the larger tribe, clan or group.

How have you confronted the lies told in your family, group or community?

How does your story differ from the story others relate about you?

In Christianity, gospel values hinge on our ability to tell the stories. We are not our stories. But scripture stories and our own stories can expand our ideas of who we are and what we can do.

Like Ann Reed, every chance you get – tell stories!

You may also like “What is Your Story?” and “Secrets.”

by Roxanne -

Our Deepest Fear

Photo R. Meshar

This was recited last Sunday to close the homily and it’s a good reminder – especially for women in our culture who are given an opposite message – to always serve, to stay in the background, to be nice and quiet.

It’s “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson, from her book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

by Roxanne -

Conventional Marriage Makes Women & Children Vulnerable

What does patriarchy look like in our society? To get an idea we need only examine the institution of marriage as commonly understood in Western – European society.

The institution of marriage, of course, has varied greatly over time. In ancient biblical times, polygamy anchored more than one woman and her children to one patriarchal male (Abraham, David and Solomon are a few well-known examples). Later on, marriage in many places was a transfer of property – the wife – from her father to her husband. In Christianity, marriage doesn’t officially become a sacrament until the 12th century. About this time, the idea of romantic love begins to emerge as well.

For a detailed, interesting and often funny history of marriage read I Don’t by Susan Squire.

Regardless, learning about the history of marriage allows us to appraise it more thoroughly. In our own culture, marriage in a society where women consistently earn less than men, are generally expected to be the primary parent and risk a divorce rate well over 40%, places women and children at high risk for poverty. It’s interesting to note that the majority of those in poverty are women and children.

Further, women are socialized to want this unbalanced economic and emotional relationship. In our culture it is often portrayed or considered ideal for women to stay and work at home (losing seniority, pay, network connections, advancement opportunities) in order to be with their children. When women do work, they frequently work part-time and often still bear most of the responsibility for childcare and household tasks.

This then, is what patriarchy looks like. A system of marriage and family that allows most of the lower paid work, long-term responsibility for child care and household care, and thus loss of wealth, to be shouldered primarily by women. However, most of the high paying work, assets and wealth are handed to men.

The fact that we can note exceptions proves the rule. What’s wrong with this system? Who benefits?

by Roxanne -

Peach Soap

When I was about ten, my friend gave me a box with a soap shaped like a peach. It was realistic, even having a pit – also a tiny soap inside! You can see it in the picture at the left – but mine came in a glossy, pink box too. I think it was my first product from Avon. But I really liked it.

Although, I can’t say what made me remember this particular gift, it did get me thinking about how we are socialized into our gender – as determined by our culture – at a very young age.

What about you? Any childhood gifts that stand out in your memories? Do you have them still?

You may also like Paper Dolls, Roller Skates & Gum Chains, and Let’s Play.