by Roxanne -

Salut! To Your Health!

Photo A. Meshar

Almost every major religious tradition has an understanding of human health, healing or wholeness as a process of becoming focused on others. In Yoga this is understood as the dharma. The dharma is our duty or obligation to live in right relationship with others. This involves caring for others but also standing up for those who are vulnerable.

Judaism, too, has a tradition of right relationship and preferential option for those who are weak and vulnerable. Many times in the Bible God tells the Israelites that in order to be in right relationship with God they must be in right relationship with others. This entails being able to see the world through others’ eyes. This tradition carries over into Christianity as well.

Even Western medicine advocates volunteering or focusing on others as one of the steps in treating depression.

In our extremely individualistic, North American culture many get caught up in a personal, private spirituality. Christians may refer to “my salvation” or “your salvation.” But theologian Anthony Gittins, CSSp had this to say in his scripture reflection for January 2, 2011:

”Charisms are the Holy Spirit’s gift, but they are intended for others, and thus for giving, for sharing. Because they are not just for ourselves, they must not be selfishly hoarded. Paul emphasizes this when addressing the community at Ephesus, but, in a way, it provides a leitmotif for today’s feast and readings. “For us, and for our salvation” is the way we acknowledge the Incarnation: the coming of Jesus, and that means not simply ‘many,’ but ‘all.’

So each of us, recipients of the divine gift, must also be givers. What we have received, we must give and share with others. The privatization of spirituality – the “me and Jesus” mentality – is bogus and unChristian unless it is counterbalanced by a centrifugal missional outreach. Jesus fills us up so that we can be emptied out as he was, for the good of the world. As we become depleted, God replenishes us; as we are filled, so we can be emptied out again.”

“Salvation” (from the Latin word salve) means healing and wholeness. This is holiness. Service and a focus on others are the means by which we enter into the process of salvation and healing in Christianity. It begins in this life, with our consent, and continues beyond our death. Salvation is both Christianity’s promise and its goal: to make us truly human, who we are meant to be. To make us whole.

Like the orchids in the photo, unless the entire plant system is healthy, none of the individual flowers will bloom or survive. The health of each flower depends on the health of the whole plant.

As the French say: Salut! To your health!

Roxanne

P.S. Tomorrow a short trip to Paris, then I think we shall go to Dublin (via this blog of course!).

by Roxanne -

Do You Need a High Approval Rating?

Photo A. Meshar

Today I have been thinking about approval and self esteem. Where does our sense of feeling approved of come from? As children we seek approval from our parents as a way to build our self-esteem. Unfortunately many of us may have had parents who were incapable of providing the approval we needed. However, as adults we can and must change that. We must provide ourselves with our own high approval ratings.

We have a responsibility to nurture and develop our own self-esteem. We have the task of providing ourselves with the emotional support we need. No one else can possibly provide us with all of our emotional needs. Further, mature adults are not interested in parenting other adults. What do you do to maintain a high approval rating for yourself?

As mature adults we value our self worth and are not dependant on others to provide us with self esteem, self confidence or self respect. What other adults can do for us and what we can do for them, is provide a safe place to listen and share while being encouraging and supportive. Developing a network of people who can be in relationship with us in this way helps us stay emotionally healthy and confident.

Healthy adult relationships are mutual, meaning both people participate in a balanced way over time. If the relationship is no longer mutual, then changes need to be made or perhaps the relationship has run its course. There is no blame attached to ending a relationship. It’s simply a recognition that the relationship is no longer a good fit for one or the other.

But where there is a good fit, relationships can deepen and enrich our lives immeasurably. These friendships bring out the best in us, want the best for us and give us energy and joy.

Here’s to more healthy relationships in the world.

You may also like Happiness is a Choice and Yoga Wisdom.

by Roxanne -

Don’t Worry – Be Happy

 

Photo A. Meshar

In my life, worry is a symptom of co-dependancy. When I find myself worrying I have to stop and think. It is a constant task to remind myself that adults don’t worry about other adults.

Adults allow others to make their own choices. Advice may not be welcome unless specifically asked for. My task is to be supportive and encouraging – especially when a decision for someone doesn’t work out as expected.

Meanwhile, it is my job to pay attention to the choices I make and the consequences of those choices. Doing this requires that I know what my values are and make choices that align with those values. This gives me day to day integrity, meaning my interior is aligned with my exterior choices. Then it is up to me to be clear with myself and communicate clearly with others about what I am willing and/or not willing to do. Once I have communicated this, how they deal with that information is their responsibility, not mine. I have no control over the reactions or responses of others.

When someone doesn’t respect my choices I have a responsibility to clearly restate them. If that doesn’t work then I can choose to leave or not participate. If someone consistently doesn’t respect my choices then I need to decide if this person belongs in my life. It doesn’t matter who they are, or if they are family or not. As I have already mentioned in a prior post, arbitrary genetic linkage doesn’t automatically confer “family” status. In the end, someone who isn’t respectful of me, by definition, doesn’t fall into the category of family.

People we work with are another situation. But even then, we have a responsibility to remove ourselves from non-respectful or toxic situations in the long term.

For me, living this out takes reflection and practice. But constant practice keeps my life confrontation-free because I am not passing judgment on other’s choices or requests, merely stating what I am willing to do. It also keeps my life worry-free and drama-free releasing lots of energy for other things – like this blog!

You may also like Happiness is a Choice and Celebration of Family.

by Roxanne -

Celebration of Family

Photo CA Air Resources Board

During the holidays we often gather with family. What does it mean to be a family? What makes a family?

Today as we look around we can see that families come in all shapes and sizes. Families often have economic, physical, emotional and psychological challenges. What they have in common, however, is love and respect that holds them together at their core. On the other hand, we often find people connected as a clan or group who claim a common genetic lineage. But there may be abuse, lack of respect or disregard for anyone else. I question whether this is actually a family in a true sense of the word.

Although our culture puts great weight on genetic links, choosing genetic links as a definition of family is really arbitrary. For example, where should we make the cut-off for genetic linking? Those one genetic link away? Two genetic links away? Three? In truth we are all connected and all part of the human family. Believing otherwise breeds tribalism and elitism.

Today is the feast of the Holy Family. What does it mean to be a holy family? It seems to me that those who are families of holiness for us, love and respect who we are as persons, encourage and support us and are open to listening and sharing with us. If we are lucky these individuals may also be part of our genetic family of origin. If we weren’t so lucky then, as adults, we must create a family of choice for ourselves.

In the end, families are our first experience in creating strong, rich and deep relationships. Think of the adults who most impacted you as a child. Did you have a teacher who took an interest in you? Maybe a neighbor opened her home to you? Throughout my childhood  I remember well four women who gave me their time, care and attention. In celebrating families, we can celebrate those who bring out the best in us, stand by us and love us.

The experience of family is the foundation by which we develop the ability to move out into the world as adults. This movement out into the world brings us the maturity to see beyond ourselves, work for change in the world and enrich who we are with diverse connections and transformative relationships. In the end, these relationships will enrich and develop our personhood as we change the world. They help us to see in ourselves a vision of who we are and who we can become.