Passover blessings to everyone celebrating this special meal today.
What dangers have passed over you in your life?
Reflecting, I pray that all the crazinesses, greed and seductions of our dominant culture (like the dominant culture of ancient Egypt) will pass over the door of my soul. Through Passover, the ancient Israelites made an exodus into a new life. I have made an exodus into a new life too.
Embarking on an exodus means leaving many things behind – material things and unhealthy relationships too. Often one must leave in haste, just as the Israelites did, packing lightly for travel in the desert.
In the desert the known landmarks of life are gone. New ways of living must be discovered. Things are uncertain from day to day.
But we don’t take the journey alone. I didn’t and couldn’t have done it on my own. Walking through the desert is difficult, scary and comes with no guarantees. It requires trust – another word for faith. God, through other people, walked with me to envision and create a wonderful new life. It wasn’t a life that I could ever have envisioned for myself. But fortunately others could envision it for me – even when I couldn’t see it.
Now, in gratefulness, I do what I can to educate myself and work to end systems of death or injustice, so that others can experience passover – living into a better life too.
This article is about the high cost of leaving ultra-orthodox Judaism. It could have been entitled “The High Cost of Living.” My family of origin wasn’t from this religious tradition, but my experience of being pushed away was the same. Perhaps you have also experienced something similar in your life or know someone who has?
Ultimately we each must choose whether or not to live an authentic life – meaning who we really are on the inside matches how we live on the outside. Unfortunately, our call to live an authentic life and the expectations of our family or culture may be quite different.
To be “loved if” means there is a condition attached. We will be loved “if” we don’t rock the boat, “if” we don’t challenge the status quo, “if” we live a certain lifestyle. But the reality is that love has no conditions. Where there is a condition or “if” attached then it isn’t really love. Love means being accepted as we are for who we are – no exceptions.
Nevertheless, I may choose to not be around a parent or child while they are drinking or engaging in some other destructive behavior. But to reject the behavior is not to reject the person.
My family of origin operated under the “strict father” model. For myself and my siblings there was also the unspoken threat of being abandoned. It actually came true in my case. I really was cast out – while a minor, but imagine the devastating effects this would have had on my younger siblings who witnessed it.
What I remember growing up, is that it was impressed upon us that the most important virtue was obedience. Really? The most important virtue is obedience? When I became a parent I realized how strange this was! The virtues I wanted for my own children were honesty, kindness, generosity, curiosity and compassion. Only time will tell if my family will choose to adopt different values.
This article could also be entitled: The high cost of leaving “the Clan” or “the Tribe” – any tribe, family or group. Another title could be “the high cost of rejecting fideism” – external authority – in this case the authority of family.
Many Christians are unaware of the heresy of fideism. Fideism is a heresy defined as “blind obedience to any external authority.” Ultimately, as adults, the only authority we must follow – are truly obligated to follow – is God within the deepest interior of our own hearts. Any external authority, be it religious, governmental, parental or even medical, can never be the reason for making a decision. We have the responsibility and accountability as adults to learn all we can from those we trust. Then we must make our own decisions.
In healthy relationships participants are encouraging and supportive. There isn’t a demand to control or judge, rather a desire to stay connected. Healthy relationships involve mutual listening, offering support – but ultimately allowing other adults to make their own decisions. Then those decisions are respected. Is your family like this? If so, you’re lucky. If not, you may have to create a family of choice that can provide healthy support in your life.
In the article, those rejected by their families, experienced something different when they were embraced by others. What they found was that healthy, loving relationships do not judge, but want the best for us and that can only be determined by us. No one else can judge what is best for another adult, except that adult. Others who truly care about us know that being true to oneself may mean being flexible and moving into a new life.
Reality, life, God is compassionate. Every instance of suffering we encounter can be an opportunity for growth, transformation and new life. Sometimes being freed from the tethers of unhealthy relationships – or relationships that are toxic for us – allows us to fly.
Watch carefully what the people around you talk about or discuss.
Greedy people talk only about themselves and their own lives. Chatter is non-stop. Conversation is one-way. Self-centeredness and selfishness reign supreme.
Small-minded people gossip, focusing negatively on others’ lives along with the hopelessness of their own problems. In their small circle, victimhood is the theme.
Wise people focus on ideas, solving problems and offer possible solutions by engaging, listening and connecting with others in an ever-widening circle. Friendship fills their lives.
How we think about or respond to life, people, events and the world around us really does make a difference.
It’s not that life forms our character – rather it reveals it.
From Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditations (you can sign up for them here):
“. . . this message from an unknown source says it all:
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
Do you fast during Lent? Here’s an idea. Instead of fasting from favorite foods, chocolate and other physical indulgences, why not fast from those things that destroy our hearts and minds?
Deep spirituality is about becoming whole. This is what it means to be “holy.” With this in mind why not –
Fast from gossiping about others.
Fast from self-talk that is self deprecating.
Fast from comparisons with others.
Fast from the “victim” mentality.
Fast from emotionally abusive relationships.
Fast from people who lower your self-esteem.
Fast from telling yourself that you’re not good enough, smart enough, capable enough.
Fast from thinking you need more _______ (fill in the blank).
Fast from negative thinking of any kind.
I’m fasting this Lent. 40 days is all it takes to re-train my mind to think differently!
Passover blessings to everyone celebrating this special meal today.
