My Mother’s Sewing Machine

Last fall I took a course in memoir writing. Memoirs are not a recount of history, nor are they necessarily chronological. They are more like vignettes of memory from our life experiences – “word snapshots” if you will. Below is a brief vignette I wrote about my mother’s sewing machine.

Photo Antique Singer

I remember my mother’s sewing machine from my early childhood. It was antique even then. I think she got it from my grandmother. It was black; a Singer with a heavy, metal floor pedal and a hand-turned wheel. It smelled of old metal and oil. It was mounted on a dark base, but the motor ran smoothly, “whirring” without fail. I hated sewing with it. The bobbin thread always tangled. More often than not I would have to use the big, black handled scissors to untangle the bobbin thread  rather than to cut fabric.

When I was perhaps seven years old I first used the machine to make a cloth pocket to keep my spare buttons in. The pocket was kept closed with another large black button. The fabric I used was a small piece of shiny, blue, floral rayon fabric from my Grandma Marie. She wore a dress from the same fabric. I sewed a number of projects at that old machine. But curiously, I don’t remember my mother ever sewing!

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Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Photo Narnia ChroniclesIf you are looking for an entertaining, imaginative film to see during the holidays consider The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. We saw it yesterday in 3-D, but during the day so the ticket price was lower.

The Narnia Chronicles were written by British theologian C.S. Lewis. His theological focus was often in the area of eschatology or what is known as the study of end times or last things. Of course we are always living in end times because none of us knows when our life will end. Each and every day may be our last. We do not know.

Lewis’ stories, however, focus more on the choices we make throughout our lives that form who we are as persons. The characters in his stories must choose between that which is the best within themselves rather than succumbing to entropy, doing nothing or worse – actively choosing total self-interest or evil.

Another interesting feature of the Narnia stories is that Aslan, the lion (or “God” in our world), has the ability to come to the aid of the characters and make things happen that they cannot imagine for themselves. During this film for example, Aslan appears to Lucy when she is trying to choose between being her most authentic self or denying who she is at her core. Aslan’s presence helps her to find the courage she needs to choose her most authentic self. The same is true in our world.

Throughout the film we see clearly that if characters do not participate in Aslan’s banquet or enter Aslan’s country, it is because they choose to remain behind. Aslan will not prevent them from participating or entering. And so it is with God and us. We are invited into God’s household every second of every day. We have to be willing to seek it, recognize it and say yes to it.

Like Narnia, the world is an awe-filled, magical and enchanting place. We live in a teaching reality. It judges not. We have intelligence and imagination. We can learn from our experiences. Creation, reality is meant to be heaven on earth – the choice is ours.

Do You Need a High Approval Rating?

Photo A. Meshar

Today I have been thinking about approval and self esteem. Where does our sense of feeling approved of come from? As children we seek approval from our parents as a way to build our self-esteem. Unfortunately many of us may have had parents who were incapable of providing the approval we needed. However, as adults we can and must change that. We must provide ourselves with our own high approval ratings.

We have a responsibility to nurture and develop our own self-esteem. We have the task of providing ourselves with the emotional support we need. No one else can possibly provide us with all of our emotional needs. Further, mature adults are not interested in parenting other adults. What do you do to maintain a high approval rating for yourself?

As mature adults we value our self worth and are not dependant on others to provide us with self esteem, self confidence or self respect. What other adults can do for us and what we can do for them, is provide a safe place to listen and share while being encouraging and supportive. Developing a network of people who can be in relationship with us in this way helps us stay emotionally healthy and confident.

Healthy adult relationships are mutual, meaning both people participate in a balanced way over time. If the relationship is no longer mutual, then changes need to be made or perhaps the relationship has run its course. There is no blame attached to ending a relationship. It’s simply a recognition that the relationship is no longer a good fit for one or the other.

But where there is a good fit, relationships can deepen and enrich our lives immeasurably. These friendships bring out the best in us, want the best for us and give us energy and joy.

Here’s to more healthy relationships in the world.

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Surprised by the Spirit

Photo A. Meshar

For me, the surprise of the Spirit manifests itself in all areas of human imagination. Frankly, God exists in our imagination or God doesn’t exist for us at all. Areas where we see the fruits of the Spirit in the human imagination are especially in education and the arts including music. It’s no accident that artists described themselves as being “inspired,” literally meaning “in the spirit.” Through this manifestation of Spirit we are endlessly surprised and delighted. We begin to see the world, events and relationships in different and unexpected ways. This is what makes art and education so transformative. We are pulled out of our limited way of seeing things.

But God or the Spirit exists beyond our imagination. The world is God’s pallet. Look around. Beauty, surprise and awe are everywhere. Reality delights and astonishes us. But we have to be willing to gaze on it with truly open and loving eyes.

Even the worst and the ugly can be seen as beautiful through the artist’s eye. For example artist Chris Jordan created this gallery Intolerable Beauty: Portraits of American Mass Consumption as a way to help people see the tragedy and devastation of our consumeristic and materialist lifestyle.

Look around today. Spend some time looking out the window. Listen carefully. What beauty and art is presented to you? Drink it in.

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Don’t Worry – Be Happy

 

Photo A. Meshar

In my life, worry is a symptom of co-dependancy. When I find myself worrying I have to stop and think. It is a constant task to remind myself that adults don’t worry about other adults.

Adults allow others to make their own choices. Advice may not be welcome unless specifically asked for. My task is to be supportive and encouraging – especially when a decision for someone doesn’t work out as expected.

Meanwhile, it is my job to pay attention to the choices I make and the consequences of those choices. Doing this requires that I know what my values are and make choices that align with those values. This gives me day to day integrity, meaning my interior is aligned with my exterior choices. Then it is up to me to be clear with myself and communicate clearly with others about what I am willing and/or not willing to do. Once I have communicated this, how they deal with that information is their responsibility, not mine. I have no control over the reactions or responses of others.

When someone doesn’t respect my choices I have a responsibility to clearly restate them. If that doesn’t work then I can choose to leave or not participate. If someone consistently doesn’t respect my choices then I need to decide if this person belongs in my life. It doesn’t matter who they are, or if they are family or not. As I have already mentioned in a prior post, arbitrary genetic linkage doesn’t automatically confer “family” status. In the end, someone who isn’t respectful of me, by definition, doesn’t fall into the category of family.

People we work with are another situation. But even then, we have a responsibility to remove ourselves from non-respectful or toxic situations in the long term.

For me, living this out takes reflection and practice. But constant practice keeps my life confrontation-free because I am not passing judgment on other’s choices or requests, merely stating what I am willing to do. It also keeps my life worry-free and drama-free releasing lots of energy for other things – like this blog!

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