by Roxanne -

Difficult People

Photo Minnesota Arboretum

Far too much drama is generated over what to do with difficult people we encounter in our lives. In the end it’s really quite simple: fill your life with wonderful people whom you love to be with and who love to be with you. To do anything less is to not value yourself or your life.

There will always be people for whom you feel neutral or those you dislike or who treat you badly. Minimize or eliminate contact with them. If you must work with them develop coping techniques for minimal contact. If they are “family” – I would beg to differ. “Family” is a category for those who cherish, love and care for you. Arbitrary genetic linkage isn’t automatic qualification for the designation of “family.”

“But,” parents often say, “I want my children to know their grandmother (grandfather, aunt, uncle, etc.).” Really? You want your children to spend time around someone who makes you anxious or worse, treats you badly? Rethink this parenting decision quickly. Instead, develop relationships with those you value and who value you, and by extension, will value your children and model healthy, mutual relationships for them. This is good parenting.

To be around people who are difficult will never contribute to your well being – physically or spiritually. Adding relationships of anxiety or hurtful comments & actions to your life will never bring us physical or spiritual health. Only health brings health.

Further, whether others are actually toxic or not is not the point. All that matters is if they are toxic for you. Insanely, sometimes we continue to return and drink the poison – wondering why the other person doesn’t “drop dead” or change 😉

“But what about forgiveness?” Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. You can explain the problem or issue to the other person once. If they are willing to make changes, great. If not, reassess the value of this relationship. Forgiveness is what we do to heal ourselves. The other person needn’t even know we have embarked on the process of forgiving them. Truly, they may not even feel they need forgiving! But we don’t forget. We learn to accept the person for who they are, – as they are. If the way they are doesn’t add goodness or health to our lives, then we need to rethink the necessity of maintaining that relationship.

“To forgive is not to forget, but to remember in a different way – in a way that no longer holds us captive to the past.” (R. Schreiter, C.PP.S.)

Justice begins within.

You may also like Irish Heritage, Celebration of Family, and Spring Cleaning – Saucha.

(Originally published 4-24-11)

by Roxanne -

Earth Day

Photo R. Meshar

On the heels of Earth Day it’s important to stop and think. We are all connected. Forming one’s conscience isn’t about blindly following the rules. Instead it’s about asking, “whose rules?” or “who makes them and why?”

It’s about developing enough empathy to care about others and the planet with the way one lives, the life work one does and the policies and politics one supports.

More than an “Earth Day” we need an earth life. This requires ongoing education. Read. Read. Read. Learn more.

Watch Annie Leonard’s videos online: “Story of Stuff” and “Story of Bottled Water”

Recommended books to request from your library include Charles Eisenstein’s Sacred Economics, or Michael Pollen’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma.

You may also like Car, Bus, Train, or Plane? and Simple Living.

 

by Roxanne -

A New Kind of Vigil

For Easter this year I experienced a new kind of Easter vigil: helping to prepare and serve dinner to about thirty homeless people. It was not the Easter vigil I was expecting — but it was exactly the vigil I needed.

Also, feeding those who are homeless, struggling or hungry always begs the question – what are the underlying causes of homelessness and hunger?

People are not simply poor, homeless or hungry. There is enough to go around. Rather, they are made poor or hungry by others. Who are the others? Those of us who have enough and benefit from systems and laws that treat groups differently.

I’m always amazed that even books like Half the Sky or Portfolios of the Poor, while able to describe in detail all the ways in which women or other groups struggle with survival, consistently fail to explain the underlying local, federal and international laws that benefit males and certain races, nations and classes.

Charity will not fix this problem or the resulting hunger and poverty. Only systemic change will work. Laws must be changed in a way that everyone benefits, not just some individuals, groups or corporations.

If we can not see how this is true — it is because we are walking around with “blinders of privilege” on, refusing to educate ourselves. Those of us who benefit the most, often resist seeing the truth.

I must continuously make an effort to take off my blinders.

DH – I’m thinking of you this day!

by Roxanne -

Passover and Exodus

Passover blessings to everyone celebrating this special meal today.

What dangers have passed over you in your life?

Reflecting, I pray that all the crazinesses, greed and seductions of our dominant culture (like the dominant culture of ancient Egypt) will pass over the door of my soul. Through Passover, the ancient Israelites made an exodus into a new life. I have made an exodus into a new life too.

Embarking on an exodus means leaving many things behind – material things and unhealthy relationships too. Often one must leave in haste, just as the Israelites did, packing lightly for travel in the desert.

In the desert the known landmarks of life are gone. New ways of living must be discovered. Things are uncertain from day to day.

But we don’t take the journey alone. I didn’t and couldn’t have done it on my own. Walking through the desert is difficult, scary and comes with no guarantees. It requires trust – another word for faith. God, through other people, walked with me to envision and create a wonderful new life. It wasn’t a life that I could ever have envisioned for myself. But fortunately others could envision it for me – even when I couldn’t see it.

Now, in gratefulness, I do what I can to educate myself and work to end systems of death or injustice, so that others can experience passover – living into a better life too.

You may also like Walk Out of the Tomb.

by Roxanne -

Traditions, Teachings and Changes

Photo UltimateBibleReferenceLibrary.com

Occasionally I encounter a Catholic with the strange idea that Church teaching never changes. Any amount of reflection on this faulty assumption should immediately bring to mind numerous changes that have occurred over time. Another strange idea that some Catholics have is that culture shouldn’t influence Church teaching. Both of these ideas can be easily examined and questioned.

If we look at the book of Acts of the Apostles, we see an early Church that taught the practice of pooling and sharing material wealth (Acts 4:32-35) and caring for everyone within the community. This was the teaching and practice of early Christianity. Certainly that practice has changed.

Of course the practice of Eucharist has changed dramatically. St. Paul reminds the Corinthians that the practice of Eucharist is to be a meal that serves and feeds the poor who are actually hungry (1 Cor 11:17-22). Now there’s a foundational teaching that changed! When was the last time you went to a Catholic mass where the ritual included serving an actual meal to those physically hungry in their midst? Perhaps never. Nevertheless, such masses do occur and I have attended a few.

Other teachings have changed as well, and thankfully for the better. In the middle Ages the Church declared that the practice of slavery was a doctrine and usury was a mortal sin. Both teachings have since been shelved and in fact, reversed.

Now, what about the influence of culture? In truth, the cultures of the day have always influenced Church teaching. First Jewish culture, then Greek, Latin, European nomadic tribes, etc. How could they not? Culture (including language) is the lens through which people view their world.

Cultural influences can be positive. Consider the St. Paul’s Jewish idea that we are all part of the Body of Christ. On the other hand consider the negative Roman idea that governance is best done via a monarchy or imperial oligarchy. Today a negative influence would be unregulated capitalism in our culture. But a positive one could be the concept of democracy or everyone having a voice.

Church teaching is always changing. It is alive. We add to what we understand, how we interpret scripture and dogma (core truths) and continue to build on that understanding with each culture that becomes part of Christianity. Over time our understanding of what is holy, whole and healing changes. Our understanding of what it means to be truly human changes. Our understanding of God changes.

With the idea of “mission” therefore, “we do not seek to Christianize Africa. Rather we seek to Africanize Christianity.” We do this by listening and lifting up the ways God is already at work in African peoples and their cultures.

But how will we know which influences are positive or negative? A good way to check is to ask yourself, “Does it benefit the good of all or the common good?” and “Does it have a preference for the vulnerable and weakest among us?”

Not everything in our Catholic traditions should be kept. We need to know, as Catholics, what to appropriate out of our Catholic Christian traditions – and what is best forgotten.

This post was originally published on 5-22-11. You may also like American Catholicism-How’s It Working?, Question the Culture and Truth Or Consequences.